His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
