She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So vagazzling was a success
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
