whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
