im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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