im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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