kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
