I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
