I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
