She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
