I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
