Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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