If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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