Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize