she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
