Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
