I want to stick my p in your. b.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
