Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
