youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
