I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
