my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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