maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
