im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
