i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
