Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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