I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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