Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
