I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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