I want to stick my p in your. b.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
