the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
