you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
