i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
