Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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