some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
