So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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