Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
