hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
