I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
