i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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