4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
