If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im six kinds of drunk right now
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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