haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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