1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
