Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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