I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
