How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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