Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
