The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
