Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize