he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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