my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
