I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
