If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My dad just said "fuck circus"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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