just come out here and I will go home with you...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
