Yo dont text me then not text me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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