Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.