oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.