Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night

  (303): View more from Colorado

  lol who won

  (727): View more from Florida

  well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

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  (727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night (303): lol who won (727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me http://tfl.nu/pmtb
  Replies (15) Good night (1547) Bad night (907)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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  (207): I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated. http://tfl.nu/fawe
  Replies (8) Good night (711) Bad night (2187)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

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  (818): Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny" http://tfl.nu/i2md
  Replies (14) Good night (2854) Bad night (707)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them

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  (443): at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them http://tfl.nu/jmz8
  Replies (12) Good night (3682) Bad night (993)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"

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  (224): he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?" http://tfl.nu/j7hy
  Replies (44) Good night (7653) Bad night (4450)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

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  (602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby. http://tfl.nu/ia9y
  Replies (46) Good night (3775) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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  (310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv
  Replies (36) Good night (804) Bad night (9632)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

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  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3509) Bad night (813)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

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  (+44): i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down http://tfl.nu/7vyc
  Replies (4) Good night (2793) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.

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  (303): She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub. http://tfl.nu/e0e1
  Replies (4) Good night (3045) Bad night (849)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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  (412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car. http://tfl.nu/qdlm
  Replies (9) Good night (2132) Bad night (722)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea

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  (317): For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea http://tfl.nu/lnc6
  Replies (8) Good night (520) Bad night (1666)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY

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  (253): My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY http://tfl.nu/47h0
  Replies (3) Good night (293) Bad night (442)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.

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  (401): I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night. http://tfl.nu/fkta
  Replies (1) Good night (584) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.

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  (562): The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico. http://tfl.nu/31h6
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (194)

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