So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
