sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.