Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my poor anus
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago