Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively

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(804): And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively http://tfl.nu/2885

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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(480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b

Replies (33) Good night (7414) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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(419): View more from Ohio

do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?

(567): View more from Ohio

EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.

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(419): do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water? (567): EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now. http://tfl.nu/1pyg

Replies (47) Good night (637) Bad night (5538)
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(818): View more from California

Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics

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(818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics http://tfl.nu/kq58

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck http://tfl.nu/rnye

Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

It usually does with you

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(717): Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit (1-717): It usually does with you http://tfl.nu/9ly0

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(862): View more from New Jersey

i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life

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(862): i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life http://tfl.nu/57hm

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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(262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p

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(773): View more from Illinois

literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

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(773): literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in http://tfl.nu/d9qi

Replies (8) Good night (3877) Bad night (1745)
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(858): View more from California

Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.

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(858): Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process. http://tfl.nu/ba8i

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(207): View more from Maine

I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

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(207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf

Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.

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(604): I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse. http://tfl.nu/53yl

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(217): View more from Illinois

Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit

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(217): Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit http://tfl.nu/cmoj

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.

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(919): I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water. http://tfl.nu/3pkl

Replies (1) Good night (614) Bad night (213)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed

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(704): it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed http://tfl.nu/73fn

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