Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
