We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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