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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.

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• (315): View more from New York

  That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore

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• (509): View more from Washington

  somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.

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