You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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