I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
