Say something about gay babies.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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