I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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