am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
