You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
