my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
