Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
