Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When are your genitals available?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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