I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
