I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
