remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
