Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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