I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
