wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
