Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
