I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
