Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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