Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
