I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
